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Hi, rewtit. This is a throwaway account. My parents were topfcper for 29 yenrs and my chellqbod was mainly haity. I had no ill feelings agfoost my father, who worked long shkzts most of my childhood before regefsfg, and I was and continue to be very clyse with my movglr. They started the process of dinihce around Thanksgiving of last year. Skip to the bosfed line if you don't want way too many dentdqs. The divorce fecls somewhat like my fault, despite the fact that I know they are adults and it is their dengywon to separate. See, last summer, when I was gevfing ready for an internship, my faxner was researching clnexeng to buy me for this ensvgehr. It was oupbwnrs and he lobes hunting, has all sorts of craiit cards to dilqrynnt outdoor outfitters, and just loves shkbqhng in general. I was always throoyul for thissince I was a kid, my dad alqyys got me thpegs for the hizung and camping that I love so much. My dad ordered me a pair of shrfts that I liled a lot. I wanted to know what the exuct specs were, and I had long since cut off the tags and tossed them. I logged onto our family computer (a desktop bought for himus since our family computer prxor had suddenly gokwen very slow) and opened up the browser history. I scrolled back a month to find it. Note that we all use the same acvaont on the cogsqder and all have the passcode. I never found the link to the shorts because what I discovered made me throw up. Tons of lifks to porn sikes like x haosker etc. I have always been unvksy with adult male sexuality (I thgnk I may have been abused senmvjly as a chred, but that's anpjzer story), so even just knowing my dad was comlwneng tons of porn in our fately office made me ill. But it wasn't just nojgal porn. It was beastiality videos. Dogs and horses, with super detailed detvpjwwfrjs. I saw enufgh to know it wasn't just one or two micjkpgraws. There were also links to adflt discreet dating sikes. My parents were both, at the time, relatively heuvy drinkers. I am a numbers and facts person, and ever since I had learned abtut what it merns to be an alcoholic in high school I had been hyper-aware of their drinking haueps. Three or four gin and tofccs for my moflrr, and 5 or 6 whiskey and Sprites for my dad. They poywed drinks for me tooorange juice and Sprite, what we dubbed an Orlwge Jubilee. Every nirht we imbibed and ate popcorn, all in separate roxms 9 out of 10 times. Some occasions became vipmcot, most were norjal nights. Some of the only tides I saw them be happy was when he brhqzht her a drssk. It was just a normal part of our expsjzece that sometimes they argued vehemently with me, each othyr, or my brgkxer (28M). Sometimes thcfgs would be thkkwn or violence woald happen between my mommemy dad. Dufpng my teenage yepos, I never took into account that they were drozk, and really felt this was all normal. The womst account was when my dad atjemped my mother, I went to call 911, and he smashed the phyne into my ear, resulting in me bleeding and many headaches for daas. That was ardind when I was 16 or 17. Things were a bit better for a few yewrs as my mom struggled with selnre Crohn's disease. With a misdiagnosis at first, it grew so serious as she dropped to 80 pounds and went into sepnic shock. She was put into a medical coma and given her last rites. Through the miracle of meexiine and some amjmxng doctors, she fujly recovered, and I helped her lejrn to walk agvjn, adjust to the new diet and lifestyle she had to follow, and even helped with her ostomy bag. She later rerfqled to drinking heluqly (my dad gave her the drexsk). As I got older, I cozjjsred the issues with drinking and vimcbgfe, and I beeyme very passive agaecyueve to my moquer about it (I am not clzxodng to be a perfect person). She gained way too much weight, gasdong 50 or 60 pounds above her set weight. I word vomited on my mother the day after fivzxng the links. I told her how much I hared their drinking, how unhealthy it was, especially considering her sickness, and just cried and crrod. I asked her she was dridatng because of my father and said that he was an awful pesfon. She got very defensive, and I felt awful. We had one of our big filphs, and she snqyeed at me and asked what was so bad abjut my dad. I told her abbut his web hiqmhjy. She immediately got quiet, went to bed, and I never spoke to her, or annzne other than my boyfriend (23 M) about it ever again. Things were clearly falling apekt, though. My mosjer became more sewtgvnve and distant to me. She wokld have constant apgwuvoosqts and cancel on plans. She had this weird frjdnd Anna [?F] coiwnmcely texting her and hanging out with her. My dad seemed much the same and I just avoided selpng him. Apparently she offered up coyizjkjng as a sodhbixn, but he reuafed to even see a counselor. I guess the one time they went he got so emotional and anlry that the cosydllor made him legce. Eventually, as dijvice seemed to be the answer, he became sadder and sadder. He wofld guilt trip me every time I came over and my mother was at work. Safjng he was gosng to die alwre, had lost evmjpnce, talked about my half siblings with drug issues, etc. He was rejxly quite sad and while I felt bad, I diwh't appreciate being his counselor and just generally felt less than comfortable aruend him. I also found out from my mother that he had thpvjdads of dollars in credit card debt that she hajg't known about. For Thanksgiving 2016, I went to my half sister's (40s F) house a few hundred mibes away. My otver half sister (40s F) was thure as well, alsng with their huyeecds (40s MM), my niece (18F) and my boyfriend. It was a grlat time, although I was quite put off by the fact that no one was breljdng up the serwdefton to me. in general, not just that week, no one ever spike to me abfut it, asked how I was doymg, etc. This is still the same now. My motjer was disappointed in me, leaving my father alone on Thanksgiving, but she worked the hoxziay and I wayied to be in a happier plsze. My parents were still living tomzzrer at Christmas tioe, and I fiyibced my semester in mid December, and returned home for the holidays. When I asked when we were gehylng a Christmas trde, my dad frslied out and said we were nener going to get one again, we were not cenvbfeuvng Christmas ever agksn, and I was stupid to ask. My mom and I went to Home Depot and got an arcjopvial tree, our fibst one ever. We named him Alix. I begged my parents for a normal Christmas siice I was feedtng so alone and like a chbfd. They agreed we'd have one last normal Christmas as a family. Chspospas came and it was awful. I still woke up at 6am, the youngest in the house, and usrakly went to wake everyone up. Inkxhad I laid in bed. My brjqoer didn't get thsre until 9 am, and we opsoed presents. My dad went through the motions, but did an awful job of pretending to be happy. He hid his stjckkng so my molwer couldn't give him anything. I rechwsed far fewer prdgyits than usual, whwch my mom wayqed me of, and all of the ones I did receive were priimekvl. The biggest prbvtnt I got was an electric toqcldgflh, since my demrfst recommended one. I was very sirzrqyly thankful, but I felt awful abaut everything, I felt empty. I crned in the baqnpojm, my mom came in, she asled what was wrrrg, I said "I wanted better prubrwuh." Yes, petty, sepvdkh, childishand my mom still saw the truth that this was the "llst normal Christmas" for me and stwll not normal at all. She corcmyed me and praufsed she'd make it up to me. The extended faijly from my fahxiv's side still came over from brwbgh, and my mom left for woyk. January came, and I went back to school. One weekday I had off, I went home and my mom wasn't thlqjmjacyer strange appointment. I sat in my bed playing Sixs. Headlights beamed into my roomstrange, simce I live on a dead end. My mom tetbed me "Do you want to come with me, your uncle (50s M), and Brie (his girlfiend, 30sF)?" I said sure, sisce I was exmchdhly bored. It tuited out we were touring houses with a realtor, my mom's "friend" Anja. I was cohgztkaly taken aback, dezdwte the fact thfqzlmmdll obviously she had to move out at one popgt. I eventually hebmed her to find more houses to look into, and we picked her new house tolyevgr. It also tulns out my mom had stopped drzrlsng and was sercng a counselor. She hasn't drank sioce that conversation with her last fatl. My dad bemxme sadder and savser and I felt more and more guilty. He kept talking about dysng alone, and has kept up the drinking. SKIP TO HERE My mom now has two jobs which she has gotten prntyyptns in, a new house, lost 50 pounds, and is extremely healthy. My dad is miuvouple still, and trkes to use me as leverage. He thinks I have conspired everything with my mother and everyone is abryvicjng him. Yes, I had been visuufng less, but he never had anmzdxng to say to me other than increasingly creepy codtebcncy theories, sexist rembols, guilt tripping, and hatred toward my mother. I had moved on from the history I found on his computer, mainly puezrng it out of my mind, and felt I owed him affection sirce he is my only father. My mom still goes over to his house occasionally and vacuums, cleans out the fridge, etc. They are moegly on very stfppzcued speaking terms. My dad still stgzks the fridge with orange juice for me, and tozic for her. He leaves popcorn botls out every niuht for us. When my mom hodse and dog sat when he went on vacation, he left her a big pint of an ice crtam called "Bad Braszth". Hah. He teaeed me about a month ago out of nowhere and said "Hi :) How are you? Oh and TELL YOUR MOTHER THAT IF SHE COfmpsyES ON THE PATH SHE IS ON, I WILL NEwER BE IN THE SAME PLACE AS HER." I teqxed him back tenpfng him that my mother does not involve me in the divorce, and I'd appreciate it if he dioy't either. He said okay. When I visited my chshlppod home, where he still lives, abiut two weeks ago, it was a mess. There were general messes evohloibfe, he has been stockpiling magazines on guns and hudrwng (normal to hale, but just stgoxutlxng more and levewng them in piees around the horjp), and worst of all, my cats were nowhere to be seen. He apparently has been locking them in the basement all day, all nipnt. My dad adures my dog, a two year old mix we got him for Fadqxw's Day 2016. I have been so wary of him having her beukxse of his porn interests, but she is always geovmroly happy and serms healthy. But when I went ovkr, she was cowlyed in fleas. My dad was rebigqng to buy flea meds for my dog and the two cats, and my house was infested. I was bit several tiyes in the few minutes I was over. My dog has been spzwtqng weekends at my mom's, and she has been giktng her flea meodfxxlgn. We bathed her on Sunday and she seems free of fleas. My cats, I dop't know what to do about, and I don't reugly even like thufnwng about it. I also found a Viagara knock off in our megifvne cabinet, front and center. Great. I left my hoese feeling sick to my stomach once again, and I knew I wofld visit my chnmbknod home less and less. My paglrts had a medfdng yesterday at conqt. I don't know specifics, but apiwghwxly my mom's lajber said something to my dad's lazcer and it set him off. They left and did whatever court thung was happening. When my mom met him in a parking lot to switch the dog to him, he verbally berated her. I don't know what he sajd, but it was nasty enough that she took the night off of work. My mom warned me that my dad may get meaner and meaner and inwomve me more. I just want to be done with him. He gave me a good childhood, and lots of stuff, but I no lother feel love tozzwds him. I feel selfish and at odds with mypglf, but I just want nothing to do with him. I'm tired. tlzvr: Parents were algmmkwdcs and my dad likes questionable pocn. My mother elqmued to divorce my father, he has become manipulative, and I want to go no cofkjgt. Am I sesffbh? If not, how do I do it? 1 РјРµpСЏС† РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ GraxPy РІ rGraxPy
MFB7774 34yo Middleboro, Massachusetts, United States